Trooper Chat #8: The Apette Chronicles
by Lady Electra
Summary: The is the first of the Apette Chronicles/ Holiday Quartet...it's Halloween! Read and see what happens =)


Fade in  
  
(Jason and Laurie are sitting at the table in the break room; both of them look like they just got through fighting with a bug hoard)  
  
Laurie (sipping coffee [hands are shaking]): We went through hell, I'm sure of it.  
  
Jason (shaking as well): Straight to the 12th level. And they say we don't do anything for the show.  
  
Laurie: I'll quit before I have to do that again.  
  
Jason: It wasn't that bad, just a few whacks with Fluffy and it was all over.  
  
Laurie: I still can't believe you named that stupid thing. How long do you think *it* will be out for (looks over at big steel box on the other side of the room)  
  
Jason: Hmmm, *it* took several good hits before *it* went off to dream land, so I'd say about 3 hours.  
  
(Just Dan comes running into the room with a strange girl)  
  
Dan: I found her guys.  
  
Laurie: Rebecca? What are you doing in this story line?   
  
Rebecca: I don't know, I was in English class one minute, then the next this guy comes and tells me I'm needed for a show.  
  
Jason: Oh really?  
  
Rebecca: Yeah.  
  
Dan: Well that's gratitude for ya. Here I am going out of my way and this is the thanks I get!  
  
Jason: Dan did you read the memo, then go out looking?  
  
Dan: Yeah (shows him paper). I found her just like it said.  
  
Jason (whacks Dan with Fluffy): That was a typo!  
  
Laurie: Right gene pool, wrong generation. Sorry Rebecca but your gonna have to go back.  
  
Rebecca: Oh C'mon, I'm bored in English. Can't I stay here for a while I won't make any problems *big puppy dog eyes*.  
  
Laurie: AH! Turn off the sugar act, I think I'm getting a cavity!  
  
Dan: Okay, but we're gonna have to check with the boss first.  
  
(Everyone gulps and looks over at a tie-dyed phone)  
  
Jason: Dan, this was your fault, you call her.  
  
(Dan gulps again and slowly walks over to the phone, picking it up he pulls at the collar of his shirt)   
  
Dan: Hey boss, we've got a little problem here. There was a typo on a memo about to days show, and I got the wrong person...(pulls phone away from his ear) *sigh* okay I'll tell them (hangs up phone).  
  
Everyone: Well...?  
  
Dan: The boss says you can stay and she's wondering why we're not doing the show, so we better get going  
  
(All run out)  
  
Fade out  
Fade in  
  
(As the lights come up fog rolls across the state and scary music is played. We see Elizabeth dressed up, as a Hippie sitting on the couch while Dan is dressed as Frankinstine (sp?))  
  
Dan: Good evening, and welcome to Trooper Chat (very cheesy laugh).  
  
Elizabeth: Okay...whatever. If you can't tell this is our Halloween ep.  
  
Dan: Yeah, even little Attonbitus is getting into the spirit of Halloween (holds up the rodent, which is dressed, like a clown, then shoves it back into the desk).  
  
Elizabeth: Well we've got a show in store for you. Tonight's guest is Leona Wolfe AKA Lady Wolf, a psychic liason from Delta squad. So lets all give her a big Trooper Chat welcome.  
  
(Lady Wolf walks out onto stage as the Phantom of the Opera is being played. She waves at the camera then sits down next to Elizabeth)  
  
Dan: Hello Lady Wolf, and welcome to Trooper Chat.  
  
LW: Thanks for having me.  
  
Elizabeth: Well why don't we get on with the show. So what first got you started with   
R: STC?  
  
LW: Well...you see first I was a great fan of the book...  
  
Kelly/Rachel/ Bob (off stage): There's a book?!?  
  
LW: Yeah (holds it up, then Jason comes flying out of left stage and grabs it).  
  
Jason: Ha Ha! Now I have the... (slams into wall) Ouch! (slides down the wall where Kelly, Rachel, and Bob drop on him like vultures).  
  
Rachel (dressed like a jester): Give it!  
  
Kelly (dressed like a cheerleader): No, I want it!  
  
Bob (dressed like a drag queen): Like hell!  
  
(The three pull at it until the book gives and they go flying. Nurse Logan [dressed like a French Maid] comes onto the stage and drags Jason off)  
  
Dan: Ah...where were you?  
  
LW: I was just saying how I'm a great fan of the book, to the movie...  
  
(Cut to Kim and Laurie sitting in 2 over stuffed chairs by a fire place)  
  
Kim (dressed a Pirate Wench): I thought the movie had just a bit more depth then a second rate B movie. The amount of gore in that film took over what little plot there was.  
  
Laurie (dressed as Ninja): I beg to differ. The gore helped to show and express the feeling of the movie, which was the hopelessness of war.  
  
(Cut back to main set)  
  
Dan: Ah...thanks guys.  
  
Elizabeth: So, what squad are you from?  
  
LW: I'm from Lt. Rockford's Delta Squad, and I'm part of Special Ops.  
  
Dan: Oh great. What is it with you people, why do you keep coming on this show?!  
  
LW: Well this is a pretty funny thing ya got going.  
  
Elizabeth: Really? You think so, thanks!  
  
LW: Any time.  
  
Dan: Okay, so now on with the question that everyone is dying to know...  
  
Elizabeth: Well us at least.  
  
Dan: Who is your fave Roughneck?  
  
LW: Career Sgt. Charlie Zim  
  
Rebecca (off stage): Hey that's my *cluck*  
  
Jason (off stage): I thought you said you'd keep your mouth shut!  
  
(Silence fills the set, not even the crickets are chirping)   
  
Elizabeth: You're kidding right?  
  
LW: No.  
  
Dan: We'll be right back.  
  
Fade out  
Fade in  
  
(LW, Kelly, Bob, Rebecca, and Rachel are sitting at different desks in a room that looks like a classroom. Max is there too, but he's gagged and bound to a chair with duct tape).  
  
LW (to Rebecca): Who are you?  
  
Rebecca: I'm Rebecca...  
  
Bob (clamps hand over her mouth): She's just a friend of the boss's.  
  
LW: Oh, okay.  
  
(Kim walks in and sits behind a desk in the front of the room)  
  
Kim: I thought we weren't gonna do any class room skits? Well we better get started (looks at script). It says here that I'm supposed to give you guys a math test.  
  
Everyone: TEST!?!  
  
Kim: What's 2+1  
  
(Everyone falls out of their chairs with shock)  
  
Kelly: Can you repeat the question?  
  
Everyone (slaps forehead): *Groan*  
  
LW: The answer's 3.  
  
Kim: Great! You've passed the test and have won a prize (walks over to a closet and pulls out a large steel box and pushes it over to LW)  
  
LW: Hey *sniff* Where's all the wrapping paper?  
  
Laurie (off stage): You'll see.  
  
Nurse Logan (off stage): You do have insurance right?  
  
(LW shrugs and unlocks the box, just as she's opened the door a crack, it's kicked off it's hinges and a very strangely dressed Zim jumps out. He's in a green jumpsuit, gold straight jacket, and purple goalie mask)  
  
LW: Well it's not what I had in mind, but it's cool any way (Zim try's to get away but she sticks out her foot, tripping him up). You aren't getting away from me sugar.  
  
Bob: We'll be right back.  
  
Fade out  
Fad in  
  
(We see everyone where they should be on the main stage. Zim is seated right next to LW and is struggling to get out of his straight jacket)  
  
Dan: Hello, and welcome back to Trooper Chat. I'm your host Dan Wilson, and the Hippie to my right is Elizabeth Clark, your co-host. If you're just tuning in, tonight's guest is Lt. Leona Wolfe AKA Lady Wolf. Why don't we continue on with the questions from the last half?  
  
LW (dreamy look in her eyes as she looks at Zim): Sure...whatever.  
  
Elizabeth: So, since you're like an Apette that means you should have a weapon of choice, what is it?  
  
LW (drops bullwhip in Elizabeth's lap): This (inches closer to Zim)  
  
Dan: Okay. So now that you have your fave Roughneck, what are you going to do?  
  
LW: I'm going back to the Quicksilver (grabs Zim and runs off stage with him).  
  
Dan: Well I guess that means the show's over with (Rebecca walks up next to him)  
  
Rebecca: Ah Dan, wasn't that guy my... (Dan clamps his hand over her mouth)  
  
Elizabeth: Good night people.   
  
Fade out   
  



End file.
